What Does Winning Really Mean?
It’s 2004. I’m watching England play the Euros. The talk then was about David Beckham’s diamond studs and the revelation that Wayne Rooney had cheated on his then-girlfriend Coleen with a 21-year-old prostitute. Money, power, fame, bling and toxic masculinity – these were the things that seemingly defined what success looked like.
Fast-forward to today. This England team and the message coming from them is every bit as powerful as it was in 2004. Except this time, it could not be more different. It’s a message of how to be decent, brave, empathetic and human.
Yes, of course the team are eye wateringly rich. But their status comes from their values. They spent the pandemic tackling child food poverty, calling out racism and campaigning against homophobia. They’d planned to donate their winnings to the NHS. The England midfielder and Liverpool captain, Jordan Henderson, was the driving force behind the #PlayersTogether initiative last May when Premier League players - led by their captains - came together to make a huge private donation to NHS charities.
If the Euro 2020 football tournament had been based on values, the England team would have won 10-0. But we didn’t win. Or did we? That’s why, in the aftermath of that nail-biting final, I’m asking myself: what does winning really mean?
We all love a winner. Arms aloft, medals round the neck, the trophy held high. Such images reaffirm our belief that winning is a universal force for good in our lives, something to which we should all aspire. But there are times when winning doesn’t equal success on the pitch.
There’s a bigger game to play, with greater riches to be won than a winners’ medal and open-top bus parade. For too long we’ve subscribed to a binary view of success – either you win or you lose. But I think that’s a false dichotomy. I believe we need a more expansive definition of winning. One that’s oriented to progress, positivity and human decency.
So no, England didn’t win the Euros on Sunday although they came tantalisingly close. But if we look at the bigger picture, if we take the long view, we’re clearly making phenomenal progress. Why can’t we celebrate this instead of tearing each other to pieces?
At the end of the match, all eyes were on the way the team comforted each other. The way Gareth Southgate consoled an emotional Bukayo Saka. It was an exquisitely tender moment of nurture in front of millions of spectators. Can you imagine this happening, even a few years ago?
It’s no coincidence that one of Southgate’s mantras is that “kindness changes lives.” This is what real leadership looks like – creating an environment of psychological safety and giving your people the freedom to be their unique selves.
But Southgate gave his young players permission to do more than play football. He granted them licence to speak out on issues that matter. What impressed me most about Southgate’s courageous Euro 2020 adventure was how it reframed, in a positive, enlightened way, the decades-long narrative of the national game, and in a way that is not just about football.
In his open letter to the nation, titled “Dear England,” Southgate wrote about the need for his players to stand up for “equality, inclusivity and racial injustice.” He directly addressed the issue of prejudice, writing, “Why would you choose to insult somebody for something as ridiculous as the colour of their skin? I am confident that young kids of today will grow up baffled by old attitudes and ways of thinking.”
That letter could not be more important and meaningful following the grimly inevitable news that Bukayo Saka, Marcus Rashford and Jadon Sancho had all been subjected to vile racist abuse in the aftermath of defeat.
So, let’s work together – as so many of us are – to stem the torrent of racist abuse of a small but loud minority who have blamed and abused our boys. The messages of support left on Rashford’s defaced mural; the heart-warming letter written by a nine-year-old fan (“I’m proud of you, you will always be a hero”); Rashford’s determination to “never apologise for who I am and where I came from” – these are all part of our journey towards progress.
Yes, losing on penalties was a bitter disappointment. But because of the incredible team spirit, work ethic, displays of compassion and the inclusivity of this diverse and audaciously talented squad, I believe we all won. Let this be the new story of the team and our country. One that inspires and lifts us all up.